Tuesday, October 07, 2008


So, what shall we talk about? Chemo? Radiation? Southern Vampires? The night is closing in. Tomorrow I go for my first chemo. Such fun. Some of my friends complain that I have stopped writing about magik. But I haven't. I'm about to become a gigantic alchemy experiment. Arsenic, quicksilver, lead. Maybe I will be turned into gold. Makes me wish there were true Vampires who would bite me and make me immortal. I'm a night person anyway. Living the life of a Vampire would be an easy transition for me. Just wait until I lose another thirty pounds. I don't want go through eternity a fat girl.

I sound bitter. Maybe I am. Slept for a couple of hours and dreamed that this was all a terrible joke. What is it? The joke stops being funny when the joke starts being you.

I painted my fingernails black. I never thought I would want to that. I was never into the goth scene, not even as fashion. But there was something almost perversely satisfying about spreading three coats of black polish over my nails.

Mom is harping at me for smoking. She says I smoke too much. I think I should smoke two at a time. What do you think?

I'm still looking forward to Samhain. Giving out candy, watching horror movies. Gaelyn called and asked me if he could come and spend Samhain with me. I haven't said yet. Maybe I will.

Maybe I won't.

My priest came by to speak to me. He's a wonderful man, full blooded Italian, Virgo, 73 years old. He worries about my faith during this time. I have the faith of angels. He needn't worry.

I listened to U2 today and tried to talk to mom about what they really mean to me. I told her that no matter how many times I hear Bono growl and moan, Edge hit that E cord, Larry pound the bass drum like a heart beat, Adam give the music some sex, I still thrill to them. I sat there in the gazebo and felt absolutely stoned. Like that Nine Inch Nails song "Perfect Drug", U2 takes me higher than any dope I ever did. I will make sure I take my mp3 player to the doctors with me so I can let them hypnotize me while I go through this. Bono's voice is like the hand of a lover on my mind and soul. He makes love to me, and me alone when I listen to him sing. But Ali mustn't worry, it's only music love, not anything franker. I couldn't make mom understand it. When I say that I love U2, I mean I love U2.

Went to a friend's house today to help him with his computer. He's 62, a friend of the family. He'd like to be sexy but I think he's reaching. He wants to be intellectual, but he doesn't have the nerve. He's afraid of what he might discover about himself if he would let go. "Afraid of what you'd find if you took a look inside" See I knew it, U2 is the I Ching.

We all hide, don't we? I know who I am. Aslinn, the Christian Witch, Crone, unemployed teacher with cancer. Two of my most favorite students do not even write me. Well, they are young, they don't know how to deal with the situation my situation is in. I miss them.

I'll quit

Another Thread

So, let's talk some more about these Southern Vampires. Let's talk about what the metaphor means when we see this strange coming together of species and what it is supposed to teach us.

I am fascinated by the fans of this show. Granted they are probably younger than I am, but I think I get it more than the average fan. Maybe not, but anything to take my mind off what is happening to me.

Allow me to speak of the book, Dead Until Dark, the 1st book of the series and the one the show is taken from. We are dealing with a lot of stereo types here. Racial stereotypes, gender stereotypes and regional stereotypes. For example, Mack and Denise Rattray are the quintiscential red neck white trash that makes Southern people want to cringe. Vulgar, rude, self serving, they deserved to be drained by Bill. Wonder what Bill thought he was going to do with them when he went out with the Rattrays anyway. I have the distinct impression that they didn't have enough brains to be glamoured by Bill anyway.

Then you have LaFayette. I like his character, though the book doesn't play him up as much as the show. He's a loud mouth, brassy queen who works as a short order cook at Merlotte's. He is wild and vulgar but in an amusing way we all enjoy when we see stereotypes of gay men. Along with that, you have Tara, his cousin, though she isn't in the first book. She is militant, pissed off because she is a smart black woman in this "podunc" town. I liked it when she said "College is for white people who want to read to each other, I thought I'd just save my money and read to myself," I really knew what she meant by that. I like it that she is pissed off for being named after a plantation. I hate to see people put Bill against the wall, but I kind of liked the scene when Bill was talking to Miss Stackhouse and she asked him if he ever owned slaves. Of course Bill is cool as a cucumber and admits that his father did. Tara isn't buying it.

In the show, there are examples of interracial trysts that simply don't exist in the book which would have put Sookie and Bills relationship in context. Tara has always been in love with Jason Stackhouse, and Tara sleeps with Sam Merlotte. LaFayette is a sort of hustler who has an overnight guest in his house in the form of a middle aged white man he claims is a state senator.

In matters of gender, Bill and Sookie's conversation during the moonlight walk is interesting. In the book, Bill notices that her dress is the same shade as her eyes, but then he remarks: "Not much of it, though," Bill shows his more conservative nature. Also, when he takes Sookie to Fangtasia he tells her she looks like Vampire bait. He thinks she is pretty but his masculine ego wants to cover her up, keep her to himself. He may be undead but he is still male, even if he doesn't consider himself human.

And then there are all those myths about Vampires, that they are evil animalistic creatures without a soul. Liam, Malcolm and Diane relish the notion of the old stereo types, they are quite arrogant about them. Even Bill is not above it. They play the part of Vampire that humans believe they are. When Sookie and Bill walk into Fangtasia in the show, Sookie remarks "It looks like a Vampire Bar if Disney made it an attraction," Bill says, "Don't feel to confident, it tends to become more authentic as the night goes on," When a man is rebuffed by Eric, the owner and oldest thing in the bar, the Vampires react very strongly. With a smug look on his face, Bill asks Sookie, "Still think you are in Disneyland?"

And if there is something I find absolutely distasteful about Bill is his attitude about Sookie's ignornace about Vampire culture, but he only teaches her after a crisis. I guess it is his own brand of arrogance, perhaps even distrust. Sookie doesn't really get him a lot of the time, he is 170 years old and he has a world of experiences, but he overlooks the fact that Sookie is a young woman in a Southern backwater and she is only 25 years old. Patience is not one of Bill's stronger points. But I suppose I have that same problem too, very little patience in matters of ignorance.

And of course, the story centers on those murders. It is based on prejudice as well, as it is apparently about someone who hates women who have sex with Vampires. It happened when white people and black people began to date each other, so it figures in the South there would be a built in dislike for Vampire/human relationships.

Then there is the notion of virus. In the book, the Vampires are believed to be victims of a virus that makes them allergic to silver, garlic and sunlight and crave blood. But on the show, Bill lays his cards down on the table. After the scene with Liam, Diane and Malcolm, Sookie goes home and Bill appears on her porch. She tries to read his thoughs though she knows it is an exercise in futility. "Why can't I read your thoughts?" she asked. Bill shrugs "Maybe its because I don't have brain waves," he answers. "Why don't you?" she asks. "Because I'm dead," he answers. Sookie tries to dance around that notion, arguing with him. "What animates you no longer animates me," says Bill. Bill may have a Longfellow's veiw of his own existance, but he should understand that Sookie just doesn't have the reference point to understand him.

I'll quit.