I had to censor myself yesterday. I know, we have to do it all the time, but I am a writer and I write for several bogs and my website. I write a lot of things, essays, research reports for mythology and I write fan fiction for True Blood.
I know what I am doing in not at all that unique. In fact it is down right common place in this day and age. But I do something that is sort interesting, at least to us, and that is I write a long novel length adventure story and I post it up, chapter by chapter on Wednesdays throughout True Blood's long hiatus.
Last year, I wrote Death's Door and it was bout a sickness going around the Vampires they were catching from True Blood. I know, it sounds like the plot of the comic books, but I swear I wrote it months before the comic came out and was more than half way through the story when they hit the market...
This one is called Wake the Dead and there is a dangerous Vampire on the loose...What makes this story and the one I wrote previous to it is we who are the members of the forum are actual characters in the story along with Eric and Bill and Pam and Jessica and Alcide and other characters either from True Blood or the books.
But I also write other things. One of the things I write for the members of the group are what we call date nights and I go into detail about what might happen with an enthusiastic Vampire. Or a werewolf.
Anyway, I also use the creative writing bits to help me think about the characters I write about because I usually go a little deeper into the characters and delve into their past. Eric of course being 1000 years old and a Viking is fun to get into. And in my stories, there is a lot of yummy tension between us. I am what I call in our stories, a sister wife to Bill Compton. That's because all of our girls have aligned themselves with one character or other and we have to share, there is no exclusivity in our group, we have to. So with a nod to Big Love we are the sister wives.
But, the thing is, up to now, all I have been writing about in that genre is about sex. I wanted to explore something else with the characters, I wanted to see if there was something more, and there is, so I wrote a little thing I call the Devil's Delimma. Eric wants my character, and I want him, but I know that as soon as we hit the sack it is all over with, I am just another conquest. So I was using this story to set up a situation where we would be friends... and nothing more, but I left the tale open ended, to continue the line of thought I was having about Eric and I was hoping other members of the forum would come up and write about their chats with their fave character.
What I didn't count on was one of our members would actually get fobbed off at me because of the story. She basically got jealous....Which puzzles me because she takes up a lot of the character time with Eric in the adventures. I just think it is brutally unfair of her to make me feel like I am taking something from her, when she doesn't even wait to see how things shake out.
So I did something, I have never done before. I took the story out. It is no longer openly available. It is on a blog I don't use too much and if I ever get in the mood to write more about our little meetings, I will do it there and not share it with everyone.
What I was hoping is they would remark on something I was thinking about as far the character. I chat with Bill and Pam and Jessica all of the time in the stories, and really Bill and Pam are around the same age and we sort of know what Victorian England and America was like, it was not that long ago. But Eric is ancient. I was hoping they would say something like..you know, I always wondered...and then add a question or an idea.
But no, they were upset I was stealing their fictional boyfriend away from them....Sigh...
So I censored myself and I feel like have been violated. I feel like I have been slapped back and told to stay on my side of the street, to get back to my level. And it hurts. Because I am a writer and I cherish my thoughts and imaginings and what I thought was going to be sweet and blameless relationship has become a battle of the wills. I should have let Eric bend me over and shag me...they would have accepted that better.
The thing that hurts the most is they thanked me for taking down the story....They thanked me for letting them dampen my creative spirit, they thanked me for letting them hate the story I wrote. They thanked me and that hurts even worse than being censored......
So thank you for breaking my heart.....I appreciate it....