I had to censor myself yesterday. I know, we have to do it all the time, but I am a writer and I write for several bogs and my website. I write a lot of things, essays, research reports for mythology and I write fan fiction for True Blood.
I know what I am doing in not at all that unique. In fact it is down right common place in this day and age. But I do something that is sort interesting, at least to us, and that is I write a long novel length adventure story and I post it up, chapter by chapter on Wednesdays throughout True Blood's long hiatus.
Last year, I wrote Death's Door and it was bout a sickness going around the Vampires they were catching from True Blood. I know, it sounds like the plot of the comic books, but I swear I wrote it months before the comic came out and was more than half way through the story when they hit the market...
This one is called Wake the Dead and there is a dangerous Vampire on the loose...What makes this story and the one I wrote previous to it is we who are the members of the forum are actual characters in the story along with Eric and Bill and Pam and Jessica and Alcide and other characters either from True Blood or the books.
But I also write other things. One of the things I write for the members of the group are what we call date nights and I go into detail about what might happen with an enthusiastic Vampire. Or a werewolf.
Anyway, I also use the creative writing bits to help me think about the characters I write about because I usually go a little deeper into the characters and delve into their past. Eric of course being 1000 years old and a Viking is fun to get into. And in my stories, there is a lot of yummy tension between us. I am what I call in our stories, a sister wife to Bill Compton. That's because all of our girls have aligned themselves with one character or other and we have to share, there is no exclusivity in our group, we have to. So with a nod to Big Love we are the sister wives.
But, the thing is, up to now, all I have been writing about in that genre is about sex. I wanted to explore something else with the characters, I wanted to see if there was something more, and there is, so I wrote a little thing I call the Devil's Delimma. Eric wants my character, and I want him, but I know that as soon as we hit the sack it is all over with, I am just another conquest. So I was using this story to set up a situation where we would be friends... and nothing more, but I left the tale open ended, to continue the line of thought I was having about Eric and I was hoping other members of the forum would come up and write about their chats with their fave character.
What I didn't count on was one of our members would actually get fobbed off at me because of the story. She basically got jealous....Which puzzles me because she takes up a lot of the character time with Eric in the adventures. I just think it is brutally unfair of her to make me feel like I am taking something from her, when she doesn't even wait to see how things shake out.
So I did something, I have never done before. I took the story out. It is no longer openly available. It is on a blog I don't use too much and if I ever get in the mood to write more about our little meetings, I will do it there and not share it with everyone.
What I was hoping is they would remark on something I was thinking about as far the character. I chat with Bill and Pam and Jessica all of the time in the stories, and really Bill and Pam are around the same age and we sort of know what Victorian England and America was like, it was not that long ago. But Eric is ancient. I was hoping they would say something like..you know, I always wondered...and then add a question or an idea.
But no, they were upset I was stealing their fictional boyfriend away from them....Sigh...
So I censored myself and I feel like have been violated. I feel like I have been slapped back and told to stay on my side of the street, to get back to my level. And it hurts. Because I am a writer and I cherish my thoughts and imaginings and what I thought was going to be sweet and blameless relationship has become a battle of the wills. I should have let Eric bend me over and shag me...they would have accepted that better.
The thing that hurts the most is they thanked me for taking down the story....They thanked me for letting them dampen my creative spirit, they thanked me for letting them hate the story I wrote. They thanked me and that hurts even worse than being censored......
So thank you for breaking my heart.....I appreciate it....
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Earth Day is the Mother's Day
I am one of those people who wished I could do more for the environment. I mean, I plant flowers and I try not to make a lot of waste and I love to see the green places and trees that cover the mountains and the critters who sometimes visit the yard. I feel close to the earth in my little green patch and I love it.
I am a Christian but sometimes I feel like a little pagan about the green things because my religion says this earth will pass away and we should not count on the survival of the earth. And I do believe that. But I think in many ways the earth's demise and ours is because we are not doing the very first job God gave his little humans when he made us and that is to be caretakers of the garden.
No, we are not caretakers of the garden. I heard one preacher say we are no longer responsible for the earth because the old earth, including the Garden of Eden was washed away in the flood, never to be seen again...And really, I sort of believe some of that statement because we won't ever see God's Garden again. And that is because of us.
Not because we are sinners, but because we are humans. We don't love what we are not close to and I think that is the reason why Earth will die and we will be evicted. Mother Earth is trying her very best to shake us off her skin with earth quakes and wild fires and hurricanes and floods because she is tired of us leaching off her. In Avatar, the hero, Jake Sully comes to chat with Awah, the mother goddess the Navi worship. He tells her "They killed their mother," and I believe we have.
I try to imagine our world the way it must have been when the Native Americans lived here. No great buildings, most Native Americans were semi nomadic and they had rules about resources. They would leave one camp for another to allow the ground to heal, to encourage the animals to come back and they left no trace of themselves except the memories of the elders. I think about the bears and the deer and the panthers and wild cats and the huge turkey buzzards and the hawks and eagles that used to call WV home. I think about the wild things that grew here and the innocent children of nature who lived here and thanked the Mother and her children for every bite of food in their mouths and every sip of water and every breath they took because all of it was precious. It was not a right to have, it was a privilege and if you didn't show respect and bless the spirits of all things all around you, they abandoned you to starvation and disease so ungrateful people would die off and leave grateful people behind.
But then there is this change, so called "civilized people" came and they scarred the earth and they took more than they needed and they killed for pleasure..not just each other...but their brethren, the bears and the deer and birds and they gave no thanks, asked no pardon, revered no soul...except theirs. Which is sad. Because they God they worship starts out his relationship with them as a gardener.
Pagans believe in a God and Goddess. They take many forms, but one of those forms is of the Green Man and Mother Earth. I feel no confusion in seeing the Christian God that way, because God was a gardener and he wanted us to take care of his garden. And the Garden of Eden was not just a place...it was the world entire. Wherever you put your foot there is the Garden of Eden. And when you do not spare her a moment, our Mother, our Eden, then we ignore our first job, our first parent. God created us, we are told, from the earth, from the Mother, and he blew the breath of life into us and made us in his image and the animals were not afraid of us and we named them and we cared for the earth. Man's sin was not simply eating the apple, it was he ate the apple and didn't plant the seeds so more trees could grow and more apples be made.
We are known by our fruits, or so the book says, and though it is a metaphor for living right and being good, it is a truth. What do you give back to the mother when you enjoy her bounty? I know not everyone lives on a farm or a rural place, but...even just planting flowers or picking up a piece of trash on the side walk or sharing clothes with people or being thrifty or walking to places instead of driving everywhere....this is a way of showing appreciation for our world. So even the city bound can be naturalists. And hug that tree a little, she will like it and I suggest you will too....
Peace and Blessed Be
I am a Christian but sometimes I feel like a little pagan about the green things because my religion says this earth will pass away and we should not count on the survival of the earth. And I do believe that. But I think in many ways the earth's demise and ours is because we are not doing the very first job God gave his little humans when he made us and that is to be caretakers of the garden.
No, we are not caretakers of the garden. I heard one preacher say we are no longer responsible for the earth because the old earth, including the Garden of Eden was washed away in the flood, never to be seen again...And really, I sort of believe some of that statement because we won't ever see God's Garden again. And that is because of us.
Not because we are sinners, but because we are humans. We don't love what we are not close to and I think that is the reason why Earth will die and we will be evicted. Mother Earth is trying her very best to shake us off her skin with earth quakes and wild fires and hurricanes and floods because she is tired of us leaching off her. In Avatar, the hero, Jake Sully comes to chat with Awah, the mother goddess the Navi worship. He tells her "They killed their mother," and I believe we have.
I try to imagine our world the way it must have been when the Native Americans lived here. No great buildings, most Native Americans were semi nomadic and they had rules about resources. They would leave one camp for another to allow the ground to heal, to encourage the animals to come back and they left no trace of themselves except the memories of the elders. I think about the bears and the deer and the panthers and wild cats and the huge turkey buzzards and the hawks and eagles that used to call WV home. I think about the wild things that grew here and the innocent children of nature who lived here and thanked the Mother and her children for every bite of food in their mouths and every sip of water and every breath they took because all of it was precious. It was not a right to have, it was a privilege and if you didn't show respect and bless the spirits of all things all around you, they abandoned you to starvation and disease so ungrateful people would die off and leave grateful people behind.
But then there is this change, so called "civilized people" came and they scarred the earth and they took more than they needed and they killed for pleasure..not just each other...but their brethren, the bears and the deer and birds and they gave no thanks, asked no pardon, revered no soul...except theirs. Which is sad. Because they God they worship starts out his relationship with them as a gardener.
Pagans believe in a God and Goddess. They take many forms, but one of those forms is of the Green Man and Mother Earth. I feel no confusion in seeing the Christian God that way, because God was a gardener and he wanted us to take care of his garden. And the Garden of Eden was not just a place...it was the world entire. Wherever you put your foot there is the Garden of Eden. And when you do not spare her a moment, our Mother, our Eden, then we ignore our first job, our first parent. God created us, we are told, from the earth, from the Mother, and he blew the breath of life into us and made us in his image and the animals were not afraid of us and we named them and we cared for the earth. Man's sin was not simply eating the apple, it was he ate the apple and didn't plant the seeds so more trees could grow and more apples be made.
We are known by our fruits, or so the book says, and though it is a metaphor for living right and being good, it is a truth. What do you give back to the mother when you enjoy her bounty? I know not everyone lives on a farm or a rural place, but...even just planting flowers or picking up a piece of trash on the side walk or sharing clothes with people or being thrifty or walking to places instead of driving everywhere....this is a way of showing appreciation for our world. So even the city bound can be naturalists. And hug that tree a little, she will like it and I suggest you will too....
Peace and Blessed Be
Saturday, February 12, 2011
In the Circle of his Arms
It's been a year. A year since I looked up from a steaming pot of chicken and dumplins and saw my angel come through the door. So much has happened since then, I don't know where to start.
It's amazing...just when I thought no man could ever want me, I curl up each night and let the thunder of his heart beat sing its lullaby to me.I feel his warmth and his arms cradling me and I know without a shadow of a doubt he loves me more than anything in this world. I feel his love for me, not just in those precious times he is inside me but all the times in between.
Sean is the world to me. I love him more than my life. And I hope God forgives me if I love him just a shade more...God is so intangible but Sean is right there. In a way, loving Sean the way I do, I love God as well, because I find God in Sean...
Happy one year anniversary baby...I love you so much
It's amazing...just when I thought no man could ever want me, I curl up each night and let the thunder of his heart beat sing its lullaby to me.I feel his warmth and his arms cradling me and I know without a shadow of a doubt he loves me more than anything in this world. I feel his love for me, not just in those precious times he is inside me but all the times in between.
Sean is the world to me. I love him more than my life. And I hope God forgives me if I love him just a shade more...God is so intangible but Sean is right there. In a way, loving Sean the way I do, I love God as well, because I find God in Sean...
Happy one year anniversary baby...I love you so much
Friday, January 14, 2011
I Hate You
Don't get excited...I don't hate YOU, but that is what I want to talk about.
I suppose it is a combination of things that is prompting me to write this entry in my blog. No, I am not referencing anyone who would decide that witches should be barbecued. I am talking about simple hate.
And I am not pontificating here, I am guilty of hate. God knows as much as we try we get fed up and decide "I hate you". It's a heinous thing to say. It's a dangerous thing to say.
I see hatred all the time on the net. I hate this, I hate that, I hate her, I hate him, I hate them. I hate the liberals, I hate the conservatives, I hate that religion or I hate this religion...Really.
If you practice some form of magik, regardless of your tradition, you hear it all the time: I hate the fluffy bunny witches, I hate the hyphenated tradition witches, I hate the Christian Witches, I hate the atheist witches. Hate, hate, hate.
And it doesn't stop there... I hate men, I hate women, I hate gays, I hate straights, I hate other races...Whew...it's enough to make you sick really. I guess that is what I am...sick to death of hate.
Now, I am no hippy flower child with peace signs painted on my face. And I am not looking to be voted Miss Congeniality but we have to stop hating. It really is the root of all evil.
Wars are started because of hate. Murders happen because of hate. Theft is because of hate. Adultery is because of hate. The break up of families is because of hate. Hopelessness is because of hate. Faithlessness is because of hate.
As a Christian I am asked to pray for those who hate you and spitefully use you. We are promised that pity is like coals heaped upon the hater's head. So that is what I am going to do...I am going to pity you.
I look at your faces. Do you know how ugly you are when your face is twisted while you spew out your vile words and you shake your fist at the objects of your hate? Who could love you? I know you don't love yourself. And perhaps that is the worst thing about hate. It reveals a deep seated inner hatred for self. So I pity you.
We are not going to be holding hands and singing Kumbya anytime soon, nor are we going to be taking long walks on the beach together. But I resolve to stop hating you back. I will pity you, and I will pity your children and your friends and your family because they must either be like you or are victims themselves of your tyranny of hate.
I will light a candle scented with lavender and inscribed with the pentacle and the peace sign and send up my greatest prayer for you, and for myself, that you and I both will transcend our hate for one another. I will pray for you. Because in hating you, I have become you. I don't want to be you anymore. I want to be free of you and if I can, I want to free you from it as well.
So, I light this candle for the following:
Myself: Aslinn Dhan Dragonhawk
Osama Bin Laden (Lord help me and give me strength)
KKK
The Phelpses from the Westbourough Baptist Church
Neo-Nazis
Nazis
Trolls and Flamers on the internet
Gay haters
Woman and Man haters
Drama Queens and Kings
Witch Haters
Religion Haters (Bill Moyer, Ricky Gervais, anyone else...you know who you are)
Anyone else not on this list but should be.
I don't expect you to fall down and have the scales fall from your eyes like Paul on the road to Damascus...But I hope some day you will feel the energy of not tolerance but acceptance, and instead of hating you learn patience and even a little pity.
Brightest Blessings Be
I suppose it is a combination of things that is prompting me to write this entry in my blog. No, I am not referencing anyone who would decide that witches should be barbecued. I am talking about simple hate.
And I am not pontificating here, I am guilty of hate. God knows as much as we try we get fed up and decide "I hate you". It's a heinous thing to say. It's a dangerous thing to say.
I see hatred all the time on the net. I hate this, I hate that, I hate her, I hate him, I hate them. I hate the liberals, I hate the conservatives, I hate that religion or I hate this religion...Really.
If you practice some form of magik, regardless of your tradition, you hear it all the time: I hate the fluffy bunny witches, I hate the hyphenated tradition witches, I hate the Christian Witches, I hate the atheist witches. Hate, hate, hate.
And it doesn't stop there... I hate men, I hate women, I hate gays, I hate straights, I hate other races...Whew...it's enough to make you sick really. I guess that is what I am...sick to death of hate.
Now, I am no hippy flower child with peace signs painted on my face. And I am not looking to be voted Miss Congeniality but we have to stop hating. It really is the root of all evil.
Wars are started because of hate. Murders happen because of hate. Theft is because of hate. Adultery is because of hate. The break up of families is because of hate. Hopelessness is because of hate. Faithlessness is because of hate.
As a Christian I am asked to pray for those who hate you and spitefully use you. We are promised that pity is like coals heaped upon the hater's head. So that is what I am going to do...I am going to pity you.
I look at your faces. Do you know how ugly you are when your face is twisted while you spew out your vile words and you shake your fist at the objects of your hate? Who could love you? I know you don't love yourself. And perhaps that is the worst thing about hate. It reveals a deep seated inner hatred for self. So I pity you.
We are not going to be holding hands and singing Kumbya anytime soon, nor are we going to be taking long walks on the beach together. But I resolve to stop hating you back. I will pity you, and I will pity your children and your friends and your family because they must either be like you or are victims themselves of your tyranny of hate.
I will light a candle scented with lavender and inscribed with the pentacle and the peace sign and send up my greatest prayer for you, and for myself, that you and I both will transcend our hate for one another. I will pray for you. Because in hating you, I have become you. I don't want to be you anymore. I want to be free of you and if I can, I want to free you from it as well.
So, I light this candle for the following:
Myself: Aslinn Dhan Dragonhawk
Osama Bin Laden (Lord help me and give me strength)
KKK
The Phelpses from the Westbourough Baptist Church
Neo-Nazis
Nazis
Trolls and Flamers on the internet
Gay haters
Woman and Man haters
Drama Queens and Kings
Witch Haters
Religion Haters (Bill Moyer, Ricky Gervais, anyone else...you know who you are)
Anyone else not on this list but should be.
I don't expect you to fall down and have the scales fall from your eyes like Paul on the road to Damascus...But I hope some day you will feel the energy of not tolerance but acceptance, and instead of hating you learn patience and even a little pity.
Brightest Blessings Be
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