One of the things that I enjoy about my studies in the Craft are the yearly almanacs. I love them. They are always so topical and have the greatest articles. One of them I just have to share and write about. It is in the "2008 Witches' Companion" published by Llewellyn. It is written by Elizabeth Barrett. I'm not going to type the whole thing here but it talks about what she calls "Granola Wicca" the nuts, flakes and fruits of Wicca. Now, there are these same people in all religions, believe me, I've belonged to more than my fair share of churches and youth groups and Bible studies. And after reading so many books by very serious witches who would not dare admit to these people, this was a breath of fresh air.
Barrett basically talks about the personalities one might find in a coven or even a goodish size medieval fair and since I go to the latter about every year, and am preparing to go this year, reading this article really excited me. Because I have met some or all of these people, such as:
The Hex Master- don't piss off this dude or he'll change you into a toad....you know this guy, he acts like a demon who has escaped from the set of Charmed.
Pan's Man- He's got all his natural attributes hung out for everyone to see....My old goat will be keeping an eye out for him.
Then, there is my personal favorite, the "Womin" witches who declare any man as subordinate sperm donors not worthy to join in their full moon crotch shaving rituals.
I'm not making fun of thes folks, really, well...maybe I am but it is only because I know these people in another plane of existance in the traditional Christian side. For example, the Hex Master could be:
Damn them all Dan, these are the big guys who work out all of the time, is usually a police officer or prison guard who believes that Jesus just needed to apply a little more of that tough love he showed the money changers. He's the one who would happily wollop the sin out of you.
Pan's man could easily be: "Youth Group Justin", the girls go gaga over him, ignore his beautiful girlfriend he has dated since he was three and get "saved" every three weeks or so so that they can cry in his arms and confess just how naughty they are. Of course old "Youth Group" never tries to avoid the situation. He just keeps 'em coming back for more.
And then, representing the "Womin" there is the "Preacher's Wife". She might also be known as the youth pastor's wife. It doesn't really matter because they are all the same woman. They are mousy and tired and have had so many kids they can't keep track of them. She's the one whose name you can't remember when you talk about your reival experience years later.
On the flip side, there is "Save it for Marriage Sally" she runs the teen girls youth group. She talks about love and romance and saving your virginity til marriage. She sings "I don't know how to love Him" from Jesus Christ Superstar and "Kumbaya". She generally falls from grace for about six or eight weeks after having a passionate episode with "Youth Group Justin" but both reappear at another church, at another retreat near you.
And this is just in Protestant circles. These people show up in Catholic circles too.
There's The Reverend Father. He was at The Last Supper, met Satan personally, and generally thinks none of us is worth saving and longs for the days when the priest was not just your confessor but your inquisitor. He'd sleep in a coffin, like medieval monks did and go bare foot in the winter if he could. He's a priest's priest.
Then there is Father What a Waste. He's the handsome, breathlessly virile, hopelessly chaste priest in your parish. All the women fuss over him. All the men would like to smack a little of the cute off him and tend to like going to Reverend Father's Masses. They tell the wives it is so they won't miss the big game with Notre Dame.
Then there is the Priest Hag. She's the one who loves all priests inordinately. In fact her husband even wrote the dioceses asking that the priest, especially if he is a Father What a Waste, is censured. In reality, she would priest hag anything in a white collar.
So what does all of this mean? I don't know, except that maybe it reveals the truth that all of us, regardless of our faiths or Craft traditions have similar experiences. Maybe it shows that none of us have the right to pick on another's religious group because shake most of our religious trees and the nuts will fall out.
But, if you get a chance, read the article in the 2008 almanac companion. It's funny.
Brightest Blessings Be